Interview of an Agile Coach

horse_blinders

Hirer: Good morning.

AC: Good morning!

Hirer: So, you are an agile coach, is it?

AC: Yes, I am CSM, ICAC, SA, PTT, ABC, XYZ, …….

Hirer: Wow! That’s an impressive list. Do you think you can transform our organization to be more agile?

AC: Well, I have all the experience. I’ll make your organization SAD (Scaled Agile Delivery).

Hirer: No…No… wait! We don’t need SAD here…our need is more agility.

AC: Precisely. As part of SAD implementation, you’ll get Teams who CCC (Colocate, Collaborate and Coordinate) to deliver software every 2 mins. We have AAA (Automated Build, Automated Test and Automated Delivery) tools to help you do that. And we’ll give you zZz (peaceful sleep) for free!

Hirer: I understand you have great processes and tools to transform an organization…but that’s not really our need. And without budget for AAA & CCC- free zZz is not possible, I guess.

AC: In that case, I can offer you only CCC- it will be cheaper and will help you kick start SAD.

Hirer: Okay…but don’t you want to know our challenges before recommending CCC?

AC: CCC works everywhere…trust me.

Hirer: And…why should I trust you? …Okay, can you give me a detailed proposal in a week’s time?

AC: But I already have it! As I told you- it works everywhere and with amazing results!

Hirer: That’s nice! Can you talk about the results?

AC: Yes, on an average SAD has given 50% reduction in costs and 500% reduction in CT.

Hirer: Are you sure…sounds impossible! You have data?

AC: Yes! We conducted a survey on Donkey Survey… 50 real SAD users participated.

Hirer: No, no…real data…

AC: Sorry, I have NDA signed with all my customers. Can’t share that. But I have personally verified it on our tool- iSADit. Trust me!!

Hirer: Sorry but I can’t. (And we are HAPPY not to hire you!)

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The Measurements….of Successful Living!

Yesterday I was having a discussion with a friend. The discussion was around success and the importance of it. Who doesn’t want to be successful? Rather- who wants to be a failure? Point taken. The feeling of failure sucks!

Now that we have established the importance of being successful, the naive me wants to dig further. How do you measure success? I mean… fine… we all need to be successful, but how do I know whether I’m in the desired state??

My friend gives me a look which says- isn’t that obvious? – (a) You need to be in a leadership position and (b) You need to earn good money. Hmm. Sounds logical- can’t really challenge that. Success is a factor of Power & Money.  If I have to rate the people I know on success, looks like, the only obvious criteria will be their bank balance.

After all, history remembers only the mighty- the powerful, the rich.But can’t history be wrong? Maybe we were stupid people doing stupid things! Can’t there be another measure? But then- why change? Is it broken? Something within me says it is. Something within me says that the current measurements are causing the world more harm than good.

Let me do an exercise. As per current measurements: am I successful? While I drive a humble entry level car, some of my building co-residents have much bigger marques.  While I work for a big IT firm, I’m nowhere in the top layer of the company. My house looks modest at the best, nowhere near the 5* hotel look some of the other houses have. So am I successful?

Maybe yes. At least in relative terms. After all my building doesn’t represent the world. So yes, I’m successful 🙂 WAIT! something is missing. Is this all? What car you drive and what phone you hold defines you? What about- How good a son am I? How good a father am I? Do I respect people around me (the security guard, the janitor)? Am I an environment killer? Looks like we have to dig a little further.

Exercise no.2: Is my wife successful?  Mother of 2 kids. Dedicated home maker for 9 years (she is good at it!) before recently getting back to work. She loves her work. But does she draw a big salary? No. She represents the higher management in her company? No. So, if the success formula is only a factor of money and power, she is not doing great. Something within me tells me- this  is wrong! if you have hesitation in calling a successful home maker successful, if she is feeling the pressure of earning more and being a leader at work because her other strong areas are not earning her any points- this measurement is seriously wrong!

At this point my friend becomes a little uneasy. She asks me, “If it is okay for you (being a man) to aspire to become rich and famous, why shouldn’t she have similar aspirations?” My only point was- feminism shouldn’t be about taking some existing measurements which historically worked for men & start measuring women on the same scale (after all men never prided themselves in being good home makers). We are establishing equality with very skewed measurements! The measurements, maybe, needs to be broadened. She nods in agreement.

Exercise no.3: Few months back, my super successful neighbor called me for drinks. As I sipped an expensive brand of scotch, he told me how a school principal (the no.1 school of course) refused admission to his son and how he challenged the principal by saying that the next meeting will be in his (my neighbor’s) office and the principal will beg for the admission formalities to be completed. He went on telling  me how he made a phone call to a minister and how actually the next day the principal was at his office- begging! All this discussion took place in front of the son.

This neighbor has everything a successful person is supposed to have. Expensive cars. A house which looks like a 5* hotel. Club memberships. Owner of a big business. But something tells me that in the list of successful human beings in my building, he shouldn’t be at the top. At the bottom maybe.

Till now, I’ve primarily talked about how the measurements are measuring only few aspects and missing out on a lot of other important characteristics of a successful human being.

Another important aspect is that the current set of measurement is also driving wrong behavior. In our quest to earn more and grow bigger, we are doing a lot of undesirable things (A friend once told me- the problem of growing too big: you’ll end up becoming a monster!!). The impact on environment, the selfishness of always wanting to be the winner, the pressures, the fact that we don’t have time to enjoy the simple things in life,… so many things. I frequently see newspaper articles on how much the corporate world biggies are earning is salaries. Supposed to be inspirational. Beats me- Why is it so important? What will they do will all the money?? Too much of sugar can give a person diabetes- I strongly feel money has a similar effect!!

If you think you are successful or you think you are not: re-evaluate! Maybe your measurements are not correct!

Maybe someday we’ll have a formula & the evaluation will be a click of a button. Till then, think before you declare anyone a success…or a failure.

Cheers & success to all!

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